Someone
who plans ahead to such an extent may find it well worth their while to
mull through to the end possible outcomes from forcing a child away
from art and into a medical school without regard to the child's wish.
Let's consider a few such plausible future scenarios.
Scenario 1
Whoo!
Glad to be done with the day. Great to lean back and enjoy some of this
fine scotch. What's that? Yet another poor report card from Sanjeev?
Apparently he's been lollygagging again, even after we confiscated all
his art supplies. Honestly, I just don't know what to do about this boy.
I'm at my wit's end. Why can't he appreciate how fortunate he is? I too
was miserable at his age. Wanted to do nothing but play with paints and
brushes. Look at me now. I hunkered down, gritted my way through
medical school even though I hated every minute of it. That's what it
takes to be a man, make the best of a bad situation and become
responsible. Would he have so many advantages without all my sacrifice?
Ungrateful little sniffler. Why should he get his own way when I
couldn't? He's going to have to learn to be miserable just like me and
roll with the punches. If I could do it, so can he.
Scenario 2
Dead
at 28. How could I have known he was so miserable? Relatives buzzing
around and yet everyone's so careful to keep their distance from me.
Obviously too scared to ask why. Why did he jump? Why didn't he come to
me if he was so miserable? Why did I do it? Why did I push him into
medical school when he was just so miserable about it? All those times
of 'Dad, can I...no, nothing, it's nothing'. It was all right there in
front of me, his misery but I just didn't want to see it.
Scenario 3
Look
at me. I look 50+ and I'm not even 40 yet. Wife walks by, yelling at me
to take my feet off the coffee table. So what's new? Nag, nag, nag, can
this woman even do anything else? Why is she even my wife? Ah, yes,
dad, did everything dad told me to do including marry this woman and I
can't even stand her. What? Now I can't even drink in my own house? I'll
do as I damn well please in my own house. It's my house, dammit, paid
for with my sweat and blood. Literal blood in the hospital. Hate the
sight of blood, heh, and I'm a doctor. Ah, that sure hits the spot. Best
medicine to take the edge off of her infernal nagging and that
miserable hospital. Hate hospitals and oh, how I hate the patients,
smelly, complaining, always complaining. Why did I even become a doctor?
Dad again.
Nag's back. Sister's on
the phone. Apparently it's about dad. Don't know why she went to visit
him in the nursing home. Says something about bed sores. Thinks they're
neglecting him. What the hell do I care about his effing bed sores? They
can neglect him to death as far as I'm concerned. My life's a misery
and he's to blame for all of it. Depressing old tyrant, he can rot in
that nursing home for all I care. Ah, the latest brochure from the
Museum of ***. Have been looking forward to their fall exhibition. Let's
see, mmm...
Though being a considerate
parent who doesn't force their agenda onto their children is no
guarantee a child wouldn't grow up resentful and uncaring anyway, the
men in these scenarios seem bitter or anguished, even contemptible, with
no mystery as to how they got that way.
Why choose to inflict misery?
And that's what a parent does when they force their kid to become a
doctor or anything else regardless of what they themselves want. Such
parents should then also wholeheartedly accept the outcome however that
might play itself out, whether that means their children simply learn to
perpetuate that misery by foisting it onto the next hapless generation
or take drastic actions to end their misery or the parents themselves
are neglected in old age by their children, three all too plausible
scenarios. As the saying goes, misery loves company.
https://www.quora.com/I-am-an-Indian-in-US-I-want-my-kid-to-become-a-doctor-but-he-shows-undue-interest-in-arts-Initially-it-was-just-scribbling-but-now-it%E2%80%99s-like-IT-How-do-I-discourage-my-6-year-old-kid-from-arts-paintings-and-dinosaurs/answer/Tirumalai-Kamala
I am too for: don't interfere and let them ruin their life', but... what if child does not know what he/she wants? :) shall we give advice? I don't know what 'the right thing is'.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the conversation, Jaba.
DeleteI'm not sure there is one 'right thing'. This isn't about a choice between two extremes of doing nothing or completely controlling. More degree and nuance. Advice falls in that grey area.
I have a feeling you manage nuance well and would be able to navigate how and when to give advice better than many others.